Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
