well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
