I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize