Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
