take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
