he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My penis needs a shock collar
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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