addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
