the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
last night I used snow as a chaser
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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