Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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