On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
