i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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