The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize