its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
