she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
