I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you will always have a special place in my vag
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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