her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
