i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
