I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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