Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
