Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
