well I can't set my house on fire every night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
