Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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