Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
