dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
