So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize