I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
