My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my shit smells like andre
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
