So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
