Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
