Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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