hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
