i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
