It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize