I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
