My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize