Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
