Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
