I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
