if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
