You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
