Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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