i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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