Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
