He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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