operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
