I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
