I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
