dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
