When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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