Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
