we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
