the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
