could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
