I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
