As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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