Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
