We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
