im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
