it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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