hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
