I accidentally burped into my bong.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
