How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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