I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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