i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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