I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
