We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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