I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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