how hairy? two words: wookie tits
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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