Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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