How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize