literally had 100 drinks last night.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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