we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
