Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
