Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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