he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
