how can u be prego again
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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